McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
