All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
