been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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