I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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