You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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