I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
