A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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