Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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