Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dick very happy bro
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
