Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
