Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
