is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
