i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
