I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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