dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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