i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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