google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
