Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
