I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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