and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
