I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
