Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
