Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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