So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize