I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Even my vagina gasped.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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