I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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