I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize