So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
