Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
