You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
