well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
