I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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