I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
