oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
