I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
