one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize