uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
