oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
