Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
