Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
