Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
