apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
