Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
