so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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