you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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