So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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