just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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