I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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