look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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