Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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