Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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