I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My ATM looks so different sober.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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