I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
