She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
