you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
