I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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