i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
