its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
