I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
