If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
