And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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