How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I love you. Go after that dick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
