life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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