my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
