dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
