grandma shit on top of the toilet
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
