please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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