I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize