I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
