I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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