I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
