i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
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