why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
