I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
