wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
