It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
